i took my lil sister to the city for her first time today!
and I just applied for a scholarship which will let me go to school there for my last two years for free!! majoring in something new and something kind of scary and something that could change my whole life but now I”m being dramatic but who knows???

maybe I’ll get it and maybe I won’t and maybe I will stop spending all my money on sweaters that don’t fit me and maybe I’ll be very happy

i wrote a poem and i’m crying about it

happy crying ???

so today when I was in class my roommate went to rite aid and came back with 

  • kitkats
  • lube
  • cigarettes
  • pregnancy tests (plural)
  • summer’s eve wipes
  • nail polish

"don’t judge me I just hit rock bottom"

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trying really really hard to stay sane in Utica, NY is an endless task even if you’ve only been there a few days

class starts tomorrow ~~~~send good energy PLEASE~~~~~~~~

Hahaha I’m so glad I had a panic attack TODAY OF ALL DAYS

Time to calm down and be functional

I know I’m doing the right thing and I shouldn’t feel sad for the other party for hurting a person by doing the right thing if they hurt me by doing the wrong thing especially when it’s best for them anyway to have the right thing done

the best thing ever is to be able to act like a little kid and be tickled and comforted and feel cute and then later have a reasonable, grown up debate and feel intelligent then ten seconds later be treated like you’re the most attractive, interesting, desirable person ever and feel great even though your hair is a mess and everything then in a few minutes joke about gossip and parents and life and people we used to know and feel like a best friend it’s such a win/win/win/win and I hope everyone gets a person like that at some point

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The weather has been so fantastic and I’ve been working out so much that my legs and arms and everything is just achy in a happy way, like I’m just sore from being happy and my muscles can’t take it

They don’t remember the squats and running and that goofy exercise ball oh nope not at all

It’s just 100% happiness that comes from little things like the weather and a fourth grader telling me I’m pretty and frozen blueberry waffles

Although, admittedly, all of this has been super fleeting and I get random sad bursts probably because this weather, while wonderful, is tricking my confused achy body into thinking its fall which is close to winter which is universal sad time. Help


I’ve spent the last three days eating fair food and swimming in closed hotel pools then baking Salvador Dali inspired pretzels and swimming outdoors and falling out of a hammock and battling horseflies and talking with old friends then napping and laughing and watching soccer and playing monopoly in the grass until midnight under a light on a big hill by a church overlooking my old high school

Now I’m in my own bed again with the window open and I feel so happy and summery

My mouth tastes like cinnamon and my skin still smells like rain.

The steps are so muddy now but it’s really all the same and it’s insane how that place (when I’m standing still in a flowy peach dress under a half-discarded umbrella) feels more anointed than a thousand sanctuaries.

I guess you could say I care a lot. Thank you.

(Also that I’m happy)

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thank god for urbandictionary or I’d never know what anyone was talking about 

oh wow this is me I’m a naive baby

(via coconutjuices)